Anger in Sex

So you had a fight with your partner and you are angry. Few reasons for you to be butt slapping, head banging, biting , scratching, hair pulling sexy day. Probably the best sex, you can have.

So what are the reasons why the sex is good when you are angry:

Reason One: It helps release tension. An orgasm is the best way to release tension. So after that you are calmer and you might find that the reason for the fight would have been silly.

Reason Two  : Sex is better than a physical fight. Instead of beating each other out, making love might be good. It is the best fight you can have. Yest you might not be able to walk the next day, but the rough love was really worth the effort.

Reason Three: When you are angry , you might not be close to each other as you might like to be. So there is pressure to be nice. You might be unshaven, dirty and the sex will be angry and dirty

Reason Four: Angry sex might be best sex you might ever have. As you take out each other with your bodies crushing each other, sex goes beyond the physical attraction you might be having. You might not be able to walk the rest of the day, but there is no doubt that the argument would have got settled by the end of it.

Reason Five: An argument can be resolved via orgasm, rather than talking it out, which, let’s face it, the men love and you might love too. Why rehash something that’s already happened? Instead, a mutual orgasm affair is a better way to say “I’m sorry.

Anger of the past and My ways of dealing with it.

So anger is one of the subjects I write about while in anger.Sarcasm intentionally intended. I have been trying to take away anger from life and that’s the reason I tried writing about it. But the more I try to control my anger the more I get angry especially when I think of the people who hurt me. These people and incidents come in my mind on and off. Every time I think about them or the incidents, I see myself talking to myself in anger. I am not sure why I do that. Those people mean nothing to me, yet when I think of the hurt they caused I see myself getting angry. I have this fictional conversation with them where I am getting angry at them.

I dont know what gets into me when I think of them and why they are coming into my thoughts. Sometimes I feel that I have made a list of all the enemies in my list and I go back to the list every time when I am alone. Its like the list of people who I feel have wronged and I go back to the list, bash them and go back to my real world feeling happy about myself. Maybe such things have affected me so much that I am unable to let it go.

So when are the times I dont get this flash of anger.

  1. I dont think about it , when I am busy. Maybe thats the thing I should do. I should make myself so busy that I dont have time to think about anything. Get my focus right.
  2. I should spend more time with my family. Lot of things to be done when I am with them. I dont have time to think about the people who have angered me.
  3. Exercise. I feel when I am doing this, I Feel my muscles more than those who angered me.
  4. Cleaning house might help me. Its like a good therapy taking dirt away from the house is like cleansing my mind.
  5. Cooking might help. I am sure I dont want to myself distracted with the past and spoil the dish.

There are lot of things which can be done, but the fact remains is that if the Anger is there inside me then I have to find a way to deal with it. So maybe the anger from the past needs to be erased. Maybe I should understand that Life is not permanent and things can change. I feel the more I get angry , more worse person I become. So I want to wait for it to pass away.

I lost my job. What should I do??

So after working for 18 long years, you suddenly get news that your service is no longer needed. Its not a great feeling to being told that ‘ you are a great employee. Unfortunately the company is going through some changes and you are not part of that plan”. The words were told to me by my friend and colleague and I am sure that woukd have been difficult for him to do so as our families are close too.

It took time for me to collect my thoughts and get my bearings right. My mind was filled with thoughts. So what were my thoughts:

1. Anger. How the hell could i be asked to leave?. Howwwww

2. Pity: After anger came self pity. How could I be asked to leave?. I am a good person.

3. Helplessness: What will happen to me and my family?. How will we survive???.

4. Tears: A tear did appear. Afterall I am human too.

5. Acceptance : Once I went through the 4 stages I began to slowly accept the reality that I dont have a job.

Lot of thoughts were running through my mind the whole day. But once the reality sinked in , I begin to ask myself, what shoukd I be doing. The first thing which I decided to do was to call my spouse and let her know about it.

The reaction of my spouse was refreshing. She said ” so what my dear, you can spend more time with your family “. What a great thing to say. It made me realise how much my family missed me. In the rush to make money, I forgot the reason I was earning money was for my family. Another thing she said was that the savings we had wpukd last us for few years. So there was no need to look for work immediately.

With the above vote of confidence from my spouse, I set about thinking on what my future plan is going to be .

One thing I was sure that I don’t want to be working for anyone That I am sure. I don’t want go through this process again. Working hard on somebody else’s dreams and once it’s fulfilled , being let go. I wanted to be independent.

So Help me Out WordPress members. What should I do?

My Learnings after Posting 51 Blog Posts in WordPress.com

All this writing about Anger , Lust , Greed and Hatred and given me few realizations:

1 . We as human beings are good by nature.

2. Our Mind is true by nature.

3. All the afflictive emotions like Lust, Greed, Hatred and Anger are temporary by nature

4. All afflictive emotions exaggerate things or situations more than what it is meant to be.

5. Mind and aflictive states can be altered at will.

6. Reversal of emotions works as a Antidote. If the reaction to being angry situation is calmness then it helps you.

7. There is lot of regret for all the actions we do when we are angry. The reason is because we are good human beings by nature

8. No religion promotes hatred

9.All great men have become great by taming their anger. Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson mandela and Dalai Lama to name a few.

10. Being compassionate is the new world order

Dalai Lamas Advice on being more Compassionate

Each one of us is responsible for all of humankind we need to think each other as two sisters and brothers , and to be concerned with each other’s welfare . We must seek to lessen the suffering of others.  Rather than working solely to acquire wealth we need to do something meaningful something seriously directed to word the welfare of humanity as a whole.

If in the midst of the garbage of lust, hatred and ignorance — emotions that afflict our own minds and our world – we generate a  compassionate attitude we should cherish this like a jewel . This precious Discovery can give us happiness and real tranquility Alternatives such as taking a vacation or drugs only bring temporary relief . A disciplined attitude of true other – concern in which you cherish others more than yourself is helpful both to you and to them . And it does no harm to anyone,  temporarily or in the long run . Compassion is a Priceless Jewel.

Care about others at all times . Practice for training the mind can be summed up in two sentences.” If you’re able , you should help others. If you’re not able, you should at least not harm others” . Both are based on love and compassion.  Firrst you must gain control over the tendency to do harm,  voluntarily restraining your hurtful physical and verbal directions.  The next level begins when you can bring this destructive factors somewhat under your control , giving you a better chance to help others . Altruism is a spirit out of which we choose to take action that brings happiness to others.  Even a small experience of altruism brings a measure of mental peace right away.

The sequence means that if you cannot help others do no harm . This is the essential meaning of the practice of transformation of mind and heart . This is my simple religion . No need for temples.  No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind,  your own heart is a temple the philosophy is simple Kindness.

My earnest request is that you practice compassion whether you believe in a religion or not . Through this practice you’ll come to realize the value of compassion for your own peace of mind.  The very atmosphere  of your own life becomes happier which promotes good health, perhaps even a longer Life . By developing a warm heart,  they can also transform others.  As we become nicer human beings our neighbors friends parents spouses and children experience less anger . They will become  more warm hearted, compassionate and harmonious . You will see the world around you change little by little .Even a small Act of compassion grants meaning and purpose to our lives

Top 10 Quotes on Anger

You will not be punished for your Anger, you will be punished by your Anger …… Buddha

“Angry people are not always wise.” 
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“The best fighter is never angry.” 
― Lao Tzu

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” 
― Maya Angelou

“Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.” 
― Mark Twain

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” 
― Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching: Transforming Suffering into Peace, Joy, and Liberation

Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don’t think it’s any of that — it’s helpless … it’s absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever.”― Toni Morrison

“Anger is like flowing water; there’s nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow. Hate is like stagnant water; anger that you denied yourself the freedom to feel, the freedom to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes dirty, stinky, disease-ridden, poisonous, deadly; that is your hate. On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“A heart filled with anger has no room for love.” 
― Joan Lunden, Wake-Up Calls: Making The Most Out Of Every Day

Anger as per Martin Luther King

One emotion that shapes our behavior is anger, and Martin Luther King Jr
knew of the power that came packed in this emotion .

King had reason enough to be provoked, time and again.  He was physically threatened and attacked by bigoted people, repeatedly jailed by state authorities (sometimes on trivial traffic violations), harassed by the FBI and even vilified by fellow black leaders who preferred more aggressive forms of resistance.

In his autobiography, King wrote about this incident that occurred in 1943: When I was 14, I traveled from Atlanta to Dublin, Georgia with a dear teacher of mine, Mrs. Bradley (to) participate in an oratorical contest.  We were on a bus returning to Atlanta. Along the way, some white passengers boarded the bus, and the white driver ordered us to get up and give the whites our seats. We didn’t move quickly enough to suit him, so he began cursing us. I intended to stay right in that seat, but Mrs. Bradley urged me up, saying we had to obey the law. We stood up in the aisle for 90 miles to Atlanta. That night will never leave my memory. It was the angriest I have ever been in my life.”

Great leaders often have a strong capacity to experience anger.  It wakes them up and makes them pay attention to what is wrong in their environment, or in themselves.  Without anger, they would not have the awareness or the drive to fix what is wrong. 

But they also know the downside of anger, and wage a firm battle to tame it within themselves.  One such moment for King came when, in December 1955,he led talks with the authorities in Montgomery, Alabama on negotiating the end of the bus boycott that was hurting both whites and African Americans. He realized that the whites were not ready to give up their segregation privileges, the talks were heading for a stalemate, and, what was more, the other party was trying to portray King as the sole stumbling block to an agreement.

“That Monday I went home with a heavy heart,” he wrote in his autobiography. “I was weighed down by a terrible sense of guilt, remembering that on two or three occasions I had allowed myself to become angry and indignant. I had spoken hastily and resentfully. Yet I knew that this was no way to solve a problem. ‘You must not harbor anger,’ I admonished myself. ‘You must be willing to suffer the anger of the opponent, and yet not return anger. You must not become bitter. No matter how emotional your opponents are, you must be calm.'”

Only by taming his own anger did King earn the right to become a messenger of peaceful struggle to the people of the nation.  An acid test came his way on a night in 1956 when his home in Birmingham, Alabama was bombed by white extremists. In his autobiography, he wrote: “While I lay in that quiet front bedroom, I began to think of the viciousness of people who would bomb my home. I could feel the anger rising when I realized that my wife and baby could have been killed. I was once more on the verge of corroding hatred. And once more I caught myself and said: ‘You must not allow yourself to become bitter’.”

That night, he didn’t just quell his own stirring for vengeance, but also that of the restless and roused masses who were outside his house, angered and ready to strike a blow at the establishment until they were soothed and moved by his words: “We are not advocating violence. We want to love our enemies. I want you to love our enemies. Be good to them. Love them and let them know that you love them.”

In September 1962, as King sat on the stage during an Southern Christian Leadership Convention, a white member of the Nazi party jumped up to the podium and punched him several times in the face.  As the security guards rushed to his help and pulled away the hate-filled youth, King responded, calmly, that he would not press charges. In response, he said in Martin Luther King on Leadership: “The system that we live under creates people such as this youth. I am not interested in pressing charges. I’m interested in changing the kind of system that produces this kind of man.”  

Great leaders do not ignore their anger, nor do they allow themselves to get consumed by it. Instead, they channel the emotion into energy, commitment, sacrifice, and purpose. They use it to step up their game.  And they infuse people around them with this form of constructive anger so they, too, can be infused with energy commitment, sacrifice and purpose. In the words of King in Freedomways magazine in 1968, “The supreme task [of a leader] is to organize and unite people so that their anger becomes a transforming force.”