5 Signs Its Lust and Not Love

The initial stages of any attraction is  Lust. Its the liking towards the curves, body and the dream to sleep with the person which drives you into pursuing  the person  you are attracted to. You might think its love, but it’s actually Lust. Lust magnifies the  physical activity and does not take care of the emotional part of any relationship. And once the Lust wears of its shine, the relationship  also wears off.

“Lust is a mysterious wound in the side of humanity; or rather, at the very source of its life! To confound this lust in man with that desire which unites the sexes is like confusing a tumor with the very organ which it devours, a tumor whose very deformity horribly reproduces the shape. Georges Bernanos”

However real love is beyond all the physical attraction and the desire to mate. It is the emotional connection one finds with another person, the meeting of the heart, the willingness to do anything to make the other person happy.

So what are the key signs which  indicates that the relationship which you think is LOVE is actually LUST.

  1. You always dressed to impress your partner. Dressed impeccably, polished shoes, following the latest trends, and always looking to impress your partner with your fashion sense is a sure sign that the relationship you are in is Lustful. Women put on the perfect make up, wear clothes which highlight their body. Men are well groomed and in their best suit. The reason is that you don’t want your partner to see you otherwise. The relationship is superficial.


2. Find shortage of topics to talk about. When your mind is always focused on SEX, then you don’t have many topics to speak about.  There is no sharing of feelings, dreams and the problems you are facing. In fact you are uncomfortable sharing this with your partner. The relationship has not reached a point where sharing of feelings and thoughts are normal. When it comes to Love , the emotional connect is important. Lust is just a shallow relationship focused only one thing.




3. It does not accept imperfections. Lust magnifies  only the goodness in the person and disregards the imperfections in a person. Since you put the person you desire on a pedestal , you feel that person can do no wrong. However when you are truly in love, you accept the persons imperfections. You accept the fact that they can be wrong sometimes. Its this realization which makes love blossom. You don’t care about the physical relationship, but what lies inside the person beyond the appearance.  That is what True love is. Otherwise it is Lust

4. Majority of Your time together is spent on making love.  Since there is very less conversation time, most of the time is spent on being physically intimate.All the activities you do end up in only one thing , i.e. Sex. Most of the time in such kind of relationship Sex is the only way they expressed their feelings. Most the memories of your relationship don’t go beyond your bedroom. That’s the place you spend most of the time.  You don’t go on dates or any public space.

5. No plans for future. In a lustful relationship you will tell the person how beautiful  they are, but when it comes to commitment, you are tight lipped. You have not thought about the future—Kids, House, Sharing money.

The fact remains that  a relationship based on Lust has a very short shelf life. Once the physical aspect wears out and the bed is broken , the relationship is also broken.

Anger in Sex

So you had a fight with your partner and you are angry. Few reasons for you to be butt slapping, head banging, biting , scratching, hair pulling sexy day. Probably the best sex, you can have.

So what are the reasons why the sex is good when you are angry:

Reason One: It helps release tension. An orgasm is the best way to release tension. So after that you are calmer and you might find that the reason for the fight would have been silly.

Reason Two  : Sex is better than a physical fight. Instead of beating each other out, making love might be good. It is the best fight you can have. Yest you might not be able to walk the next day, but the rough love was really worth the effort.

Reason Three: When you are angry , you might not be close to each other as you might like to be. So there is pressure to be nice. You might be unshaven, dirty and the sex will be angry and dirty

Reason Four: Angry sex might be best sex you might ever have. As you take out each other with your bodies crushing each other, sex goes beyond the physical attraction you might be having. You might not be able to walk the rest of the day, but there is no doubt that the argument would have got settled by the end of it.

Reason Five: An argument can be resolved via orgasm, rather than talking it out, which, let’s face it, the men love and you might love too. Why rehash something that’s already happened? Instead, a mutual orgasm affair is a better way to say “I’m sorry.

True love A Sad Lie

Love is not s marketing tool , where the good ness of the product is highlighted and then it wears off after warranty period. Yet many fall for cars, flower, chocolates, music, dinner, cruises, holidays and physical bonding as Love.

These are just marketing tools. Tools to show the goodness in a person at all times. But would you love the same person when the marketing tools are not there to enhance the so called love for each other.

Thats a question that lovers need to answer. The first attraction for love is physical attraction. Sex. Lot of sex. But when the attraction fades of and physical acts of expression reduces, love reduces. So frankly that was not love but a lustful feeling.

So love is not to be measured with marketing tools. Love is not a feeling of lust. So what is love. Lot of the people spend lot of time trying to find true love. And after spending a eternity for it, they know there is nothing as true love, they settle for the second best which is ” i am okay with whomever i find “. Then in the name of love, they try to settle with what they have or try to change them to what they want them to be. So love is not a partnership of acceptance or change.

With all the love in the world people get married. They exchange vows and make promises of not letting go of each other till the end of time. Yet they are ready to tear at other at the slightest provocation as years go by. So where did the love go and end up in divorce. So love is not marriage.

In many ways people who are seekers of love are looking for companionship. For its what you are willing to let go when you are in love is what matters.

So if your intention is to find love, you will find it. If your intention is stay married, you will do that. But finding true love should not be your ultimate purpose in life. You are alive to do lot many other things.

The 5 truths of my life.

As the day reaches its end I find myself contemplating if I should tell about the truths I learned in my 48 years of life in this planet. The truth might sound bitter, but it has to be revealed to all if its going to help everyone. I am an achiever– good son, good husband , good father, good friend and compassionate human being.So here are the truths of my life.

Truth 1: It does not matter how you are in school or college whether you are a good student or a bad student, whether you are rich or poor, by the time you reach 48, your life becomes balanced. You are not doing worse than your genius friend. Life has a great way of balancing everything. If you are not doing decently well, then you would have done something really bad with your life.

Truth 2: All successes are based on the principle of persistence. Assignments given in school and college helps you prepare for the hard work needed for later life. All the inspirational stories of some one dropping out of the education system does not mention the amount of hard work they have done to achieve their success.

Truth 3 : Sex is not the only thing needed to have a good successful relationship. It is based on lot of give , take and letting go. Just like a baby who do not keep things to heart despite being spoken harsh words by a parent, it is important to just let go and look at the positive to maintain a relationship . Copulation will happen when it has to. Same cannot be the only reason to have a relationship.

Truth 4: Do not torture your body in your quest to be fit. Most of the so called fit people suffer when they reach old age. You are fit after 48, if there are no aches and pain in your body , if your knees does not hurt, if you can still shop with your wife and play with your children after a hard days work. So to hell with all fitness programs. Exercise 30 minutes, build some muscle and eat good food. You will be for life. Do not abuse your body with too much exercise, too much food, too much alchohol and too much diet.

Truth 5: Do not judge the ability of your children based on their academic performance and social interactions. Take a step back and look at how you were during those times. You achieved everything when you were given the freedom to do your own thing. You need to give the same freedom to your children.